Can you remember those times when you lived in a zone of virtual bliss when it came to love and relationships? And, of course, we all know the other side of this coin when nothing you say or they say is understood as you intended it. Why does the communication roller coaster happen? How do you keep the hills and valleys from being so extreme? How are you supposed to communicate when you can’t even talk? The silent treatment goes on and there are topics that you just have to avoid because you know it’s going to erupt into a verbal volcano and make things even worse.
Some say that the secret in relationship communication is to strive to hang in the bliss as much as possible and merely survive the other times when it is difficult. Some others offer that communication, like love is alive and living, and must be nurtured with constant vigilance or it will wilt and die. So on one hand, we get the advice of remembering and focusing on the good times especially when you could talk about everything and just do what you have to do when you and your SO hardly even talking. On the other hand, we are told to take the steps of bringing the love and communication back into the relationship and not to ignore the problems or all will fade and die.
The main focus is which of these ideas will give allow the best chance to not only just survive love and to be able to half way communicate but to truly be able to communicate and have a relationship that is flourishing. Surely, there are ways to improve our skills in this arena without getting therapy from a counselor. There are nuggets of wisdom that can be applied in order to improve communication skills.
To be a good communicator, you must first be a good listener. This means clearing your mind of you and making it a point to put yourself in the shoes of the other person and what they are trying to tell you. Even if you don’t agree with their view, listen and note what they fear, long for, dream about. In other words, focus on what they are saying and not on what you don’t agree with or on the next thing you’re about to say. This is the first step of hearing them out carefully. Good communicators are always good listeners.
Also in order to be a good communicator, you must be a good server; a good server of communication. You have to give enough info but be careful not to overload. (This isn’t an easy balance, to say the least.) This lack of targeting can, in and of itself, stop all communication if not accomplished. When trying to deliver your message with enough information without info overload, remember that you don’t have the right to beat them up with your words. Count how many times you broach a subject in a conversation and make sure that you’re not using the same words and terms every time and going on and on about the same issue over and over again. This can throw the brakes on the conversation the second time you repeat yourself. Choose your words carefully and with limited frequency. You don’t want to nag, scold, or beat a dead horse. Give them some time to soak in what you have said and allow them the freedom to respond or not to respond at that moment or even that week if possible. Give them their time and their way of responding.
To be a good communicator, you also have to be good baggage handler. We all know what baggage is because we all have it in our lives. Everybody has baggage and if you think you don’t, you’re deceiving yourself. Past experiences, backgrounds, and history are all a part of life and something we have to deal with in any relationship especially in an intimate relationship simply because of the nature of love. Even if you’re young, there are still moments in your upbringing that are considered as baggage.
Keep in mind that when both of you are talking to each other, you have baggage and your SO has baggage too that comes into every conversation. But baggage doesn’t have to drag you down. Remember it, work through it, and help to lighten each other’s load. You can use this to your advantage if you work at it. These days, Free online dating sites can help you to find true love.
We hope that these tips will help you to be able to communicate even when it seems that you can’t even talk to each other. Many couples give each other the silent treatment and/or dodge around touch topics. Start with the communication tips that we have listed here. The main thing to remember is that good communication starts with YOU and it starts with being a good listener.